Everybody Hates Blackie was the fourth episode of the third season of Everybody Hates Chris. It was the 48th episode overall. It premired on October 22, 2007.
SHORT SUMMARY: Chris is allowed to get a dog, which the family names Blackie, after a burglary at his home but unlike him, Julius wants it to be a guard dog, not a pet. Meanwhile, because the TV has been stolen, Tonya and Drew decide to entertain themselves by making prank calls.
FULL RECAP: The Rock family gets rocked by robbers who take the stereo, TV and a lot of meat. Chris's mom, Rochelle, is most affected by the theft of her autographed James Brown "The Payback" record; Drew and Tonya feel as though a member of the family, the TV, has been kidnapped; and Chris's dad, Julius, is really missing his meat. Yup, the robbers took everything of value, including steaks, hamburger, hot dogs and bologna.
"If they hadda stole that stuff earlier," quips Chris, "maybe he wouldn't have had the gout."
The detective who shows up at the scene tells Rochelle he's not there to really solve the crime, but to offer comfort. Julius says then that maybe he should buy a gun, an idea Rochelle quickly puts to rest as the family would probably use the weapon on each other. Chris volunteers the idea of getting a dog.
Rochelle starts to turn that idea down, but is rebuffed by the detective. The Rock family invest in a dog Julius names "Blackie." "But he's brown," says Drew. "You black and you brown," returns Julius.
Because the dog was Chris's idea, Rochelle tells Chris it's up to him to bathe, feed, train, walk and clean up after the canine. As George Clinton's "Atomic Dog" plays in the background, Chris finds it isn't so easy.
While Chris tries to train his pup, his parents are trying to get a grip on their insurance policy. Drew and Tonya are also trying - trying some old lady's patience as they peep into her window for their TV fix!
Chris winds up getting a couple of dog training books from Greg, whose locker's eclectic book collection also includes a guide to Baghdad streets, a reference for crystal, mostly Lalique, and a bartender's bible.
Anyway, the Rock family is eating dinner with sporks and paper plates when Blackie jumps up and grabs a bite from Julius's plate. Julius gives Chris 48 hours to train the dog before Blackie ends up dog food. Chris wisely elects to not correct his dad, a man, who really loves his meat. Later when Chris is walking Blackie, he learns his dog responds to Spanish after this really hot guy named Carlos uses it to get good ol' Blackie to sit and stand. Blackie's got good taste. Chris decides to learn some Spanish to train his dog to be a killer.
Rochelle and Julius meet with the insurance agent who tells them that because their apartment wasn't damaged by wind, fire or flood, they can't get their property back. They can't even get back the $117.43 worth of meat. Rochelle gives the guy a piece of her mind, reminding him that after 10 years of business, the company owes them. He says he'll see what he can do. A response that's apparently not good enough to earn him a peanut butter cookie from the Rocks as Rochelle pulls the plate out of his reach.
After Drew and Tonya realize peering at other people's TVs and reading Jet and TV Guide isn't hacking it, they turn to prank calling for entertainment. They do the same thing that Bart Simpson did, ask for IP Freely, call in a pizza order for a funeral home, fake a strangulation to 911.
Thankfully the Rocks get a huge check for $715.13 from their insurance company so they can replace the TV, the stereo and the hundred-something-dollars worth of meat. Chris, meanwhile, learns about the Puerto Rican side of the street, which looks a lot like where he lives. Well, except that they're Puerto Rican. Carlos also tells Chris Blackie's not going to be an attack dog - he's a lover not a fighter. Upon being issued an attack command, the dog runs up to another pooch and offers his tummy in appeasement.
When the Rock family returns home from shopping, they find their door wide open. They were robbed again! Only this time the robbers took Blackie. Losing Blackie makes Chris all kinds of depressed. When a police officer shows up, Rochelle thinks he's investigating the dog theft. Nope, he's there to check up on the string of prank phone calls. Ooh, Drew and Tonya are busted!
Chris sees Blackie later in the Puerto Rican neighborhood and asks the dog how he's doing. Blackie doesn't recognize him and bares his fangs at Chris, who runs as fast as he can as his former best friend gives chase.
QUOTES:
Narrator: Tonya and Drew couldn't watch TV, but that didn't stop them from readin' it.
Drew: Check this out. Matlock at 4:00. When Nashville star Dolly Parton gets arrested for murder, she turns to Ben Matlock.
Tonya: Look at this: Moses Gunn is gonna be on The Jeffersons.
Drew: Did you know that Little House on the Prairie was closed-captioned for the hearing impaired?
Tonya: Stephanie Mills is gonna be on Captain Kangaroo!
Julius: Forget this. I'm gettin' a gun.
Rochelle: Julius, do you know what would happen if we got a gun?
Julius: Who ate the big piece of chicken? [gets out a gun] You? Baby girl?
Rochelle: [gets out two guns] Who left the damn toilet seat up? Huh?
Tonya: Who ate all the cereal? [gets out a shotgun] I WILL BLOW YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF!
Narrator: I thought I'd never see Blackie again.
Chris: Blackie, cómo estás? How are you?
Narrator: And he thought he'd never seen me before.
Chris: Blackie, remember, it's me, Chris, tu amigo. Hey papi, tranquilo. Papi, tranquilo. [Blackie chases him] No, no, no!
Background Singers: Todo el mundo odia Chris. (Everybody hates Chris.)
To watch the full episode click HERE
