Everybody Hates the Pilot was the first episode of Everybody Hates Chris. It aired on September 22,2005. It was written by Chris Rock and Ali LeRoi and directed by Reginald Huldin.
SHORT SUMMARY: Uprooted to a new neighborhood and bussed to a predominantly white middle school two-hours away by his strict, hard-working parents, Chris struggles to find his place while keeping his siblings in line at home and dealing with the school bully, Joey.
FULL RECAP:1982. The year Chris turned 13. He's in bed dreaming about the coolest thing he thinks is going to happen to him: becoming a teenager. He's gonna have women, money, stay out late. "it was gonna be the bomb!" says the present day Chris Rock, narrating as the young Chris goes partying in a hip club while everyone chants his name. But the reality is much different as he is reminded of when his mother wakes him to go and wipe the pee off the toilet seat…
Chris's family are moving out of the Projects. Mainly because his mum, Rochelle, says it's just another name for 'Experiment'. On the way Chris's dad, Julius, is persuaded to stop at McDonalds but only if they split the meal between Chris and his two siblings: Drew and Tonya. Chris gets the drink. Though that's good, one time he just got ice!
They arrive at their new home in Bedstuy, Brooklyn and are informed by some spray painters that the local motto is "Bedstuy: Do or Die". Rochelle informs the boys that if she ever catches them doing that she'll put her foot so far up their behind they'll have toes for teeth! And she's got many more phrases from where that came from!
Chris's brother Drew is younger than him but still much bigger and his little sister Tonya will do anything to get Chris into trouble. But since Chris is the oldest, we are reminded, he has to be the 'emergency adult' which, as his dad tells him through a series of instructions about what to do if things or his brother are on fire, means he has to take responsibility for everything.
At breakfast, Chris asks his mother why he has to go to a different school to his brother and sister. His mother explains to him that his school - at Brooklyn Beach - gives kids an education, though Narrator Chris points out it's not a Harvard kind, just a Not-sticking-up-a-liquer-store kind. Julius comes down for breakfast but his favourite, Tonya, isn't happy: Chris has made her oatmeal all lumpy. She doesn't have to eat it but it's not going in the trash because, as Julius points out, that's 30c worth of oatmeal. Chris will have to eat it. Julius, as we discover, always knows what everything costs. From the $2 on fire on the stove to the 49c of milk dripping on his table. "somebody gonna drink this milk!"
After breakfast Julius is looking through the bills and is confused as to why Rochelle has only paid half of them. She is offended he's questioning her but he won't let it go and agrees to pay them his way and see how it works out.
It's a school day. And as if he wasn't worried enough, Chris has to wear his brother's smart shoes instead of his own cool sneakers. "It's better to be poor and neat, than rich and raggedy" says his mom. "I think she said that because we were poor" says Narrator Chris. Besides, he's only been there a week, his mom says no-one will notice him yet. What she doesn't realise is, it's quite the opposite - he is the ONLY black kid there after all. Another of Chris's responsibilities is racing home after school to let his brother and sister in quietly so as not to wake his dad before he goes to work at 5:00pm. His dad's sleep is very important and he reminds his brother and sister of that, telling them not to make a noise until he gets back, otherwise he's in deep…
After making his way to school on two buses and reading the paper on the way ("I learned more on the way to school than I learned AT school"), Chris runs into the school bully, Joey Caruso, and after trying to 'out-black' him when he steps on his brothers shoes, he gets punched and falls into the new Principle. The boys get told off and warned to behave but Joey is still not gonna leave it. He warns Chris that he'll get it "after School". A boy named Greg helps him pick up his books and they hit it off. Chris has made his first friend. They wonder what happened to the 'old' Principle ("Mr Palmer was accused of doing something that we can't tell you about because of the network censors" Narrator Chris informs us).
At lunch they go for a slice of pizza but Chris bumps into Joey who takes his bus pass and $2 for lunch and warns him: "After school!"
After school Chris goes to meet Joey to fight and get his bus pass back. He has a plan: fights always get split up quickly so he has to get a good first punch. He does. But then what follows is a 30 minute rumble at the end of which Chris manages to stamp on Joey's toe and take his bus pass back. Running for his life, and the bus, Chris just makes it home. Only to find his sister stood at the front door. Screaming.
Luckily, his dad is still asleep and Chris manages to keep everyone quiet and cleans his now mucky shoes. He also manages to eat the large piece of chicken in the fridge, which makes up for not having any lunch. What he doesn't realise is: the piece of chicken is for his dad!
After waking his dad at 5:00 ("not 4:59"), his mom phones to tell him to put the chicken in the oven. Of course, since he's already ate it his dad has to make do with what should probably be called a chicken 'thumbstick', much to the frustration of his mom. Though she's not mad, just concerned for her husbands appetite so he can keep his job.
Julius and Rochelle sit eating their meal together. she's still frustrated about the bills but after she explains to him about the way she does it ("you gotta know how to work the system… if we paid all the bills we'd have no money") he understands and they make up.
On the way out to his second job, Julius stops by Chris's room to check on him. He apologises for eating the big piece of chicken("that was 89c worth of chicken") but his dad's ok about it. Chris doesn't tell him about Joey as his dad had riots and more at his school so his problems don't quite match up. Julius slips him 2 bucks and tells him not to tell his mom. His dad doesn't say "I love you", he's not like that. He's one of four fathers on the block; saying "I'll see you in the morning" meant he was coming home. Coming home was his way of saying "I love you."
Julius: That's 49 cent of spilt milk drippin' all over the table. Somebody gon' drink this milk.
Julius: If you smell smoke, and you think the house is going to catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell gas, and you think the house is going to blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here.
Rochelle: Chris! Get in the bathroom and wipe the pee off the toilet seat!
To watch the full episode click HERE